I know you feel, it's okay! (lang: en)

I have difficulty dealing with daily frustrations. Many times I can't do what I want, I get frustrated and I get sad, like there's no other day or opportunity, like it's all going to end. It seems sensational, childish, dramatic, it can be all that things but not voluntary. I wish I could remember in the moments when I get depressed, that there is another tomorrow, other flowers to be photographed, other people to be hugged, another sun to illuminate my face and make me smile. I wanted to understand why something inside me screams that I can't, that I never can and always spoils everything. Is it true that I always screw up? It seems like there are real people shouting that I'm a time bomb. By the way, how much time is left?
It is painful to hear all my life that I ruin all the toys, all the family ceremonies, all the happiness of a family. It is painful to be a time bomb that never has anything on its hands for long. And for a long time I've let hate dominate me, hate of myself, but it seems like it's still here and I don't know why I hate myself so much, why I hurt myself so much and secretly I want so badly to hurt myself. He is there, quietly, waiting to light the gunpowder, begging to light the gunpowder, because there is no pain in something that is dead.
It seems that I found in the pain a friend, as if she said to me: "I know you feel, it's okay!". I wanted to live in the moon world, inventing characters again, pretending that my teddy bear talks to me and hugs me to sleep, I miss him, they took him from me.
Sometimes I feel so lonely that I hug even knives and sharp objects, because they are the only ones who want to hug me, and they breathe and walk around, stay for a while and then leave.